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Mon, Dec. 5th, 2016, 06:14 pm
Pop tart, what's the matter?



December of 2016, and meditative on where I've come to, who I've helped and hurt and broken and created along the way. I've stalled on my bachelor's degree. I lost a job I had for years and years back in the summer and I'm back to the bottom rung with a new temp gig at a call center. I haven't had motivation or time for art in months, but I'd started selling designs over at http://scumhaus.threadless.com so there's that. This year has been so painful, so many great stories ended, so many disappointments, and challenges. My oldest son is autistic, beautiful and perpetually inspiring, and I try and sometimes succeed at the advice given by a distant and now gone friend to not take things for granted...
I try.
I struggle and I disappoint myself, and I keep going. The world around me changes and stays the same and I hope for clarity and grace and humor. I shout into the void sometimes, but internalize more than not. Thirty- five years in and I still feel stuck in adolescence, with enough guilt and bruises to regret but not enough brains to let go. Maybe it'll be different in a good way in another half decade when I check back in again.

So it goes.