M!ke the Odd & Insidious Outsider

oh i'm such a sad and sorry drunken mess. i'm so heartbroken and miserable and i should know better than to drink on my day off because i end up a sad sack of boo hoos and poor me's.
don't get me wrong, i'm happy for the hand i've been dealt so far as it relates to the future, but i find myself alarmingly effected by the lack of back up where friendship and commraderie is concerned. but this is all a goddamn rerun of the last decade of my goddamn life so it's pointless to complain.
i've got no one. i'm alone to figure everything out. i've got an address book full of acquaintances and not a person to sport a bruise if i threw a rock in a room full of my close friends. fuck it. whatever.
i suppose a part of being a grown up is being alone and without compatriots. here's to wishing i could've taken a bullet in world war 2, i guess. at least then i could've slipped away into morphine-induced expiration in a pile of mud knowing that someone other than the lady i stuck it too gave a fuck about my little old self.
c'est la vie.
instead i'll slip and fall down the motherfucking stairs whilst my old lady gently weeps like george harrison's motherfucking guitar in bed because i feel robbed.
issit?
yeah.

So, it's only been about 32 weeks since I last updated this blog.
Happy Halloween, my neglected friends and acquaintances!
Quick update, I am now the president of the Moon, I have ridiculous super powers, I pretty much talk exactly like Cary Grant all of the time, and I am going to be a father at the end of February.
Okay now, one of those previous statements is true, and all the others are a lie.
For those of you who don't already know, go ahead and guess.










Hint: !dad a eb ot gniog m'I

i know of a certain farm, where every july they pick the peas. what a bunch of amateurs.
i have a cancer policy do you? rent is late on the 6th, oops! call now operators are standing by, with the healing properties of the leading medical doctors in europe. surely we couldn't make such claims if we didn't have proven results! it's all right, cuz you're all of got tonight. i need you, tonight.
i don't care if you use me again, i don't care if you abuse me again, and you can make me, and you can fake me, i don't care, and you can love me just 'bout anywhere, it's all right.
men don't shave carrots well, because the kitchen scissors have been slimed, ray. don't cross the beams, ghost of easter jesus! crumb coated crust, that's a tough one.

The fever wedge of my head makes me remember the peopleplacesthings i've forgotten about.
Its all about slipping into who you were at a certain moment daysweeksmonthsyears ago and suddenly being confronted with the juxtaposition of now.
Hello MeIwas. Hello MeIam.
I'm not sure where to go with this idea, essentially I want to cry and rock back and forth and cradle all the things that have gone, give my memories a funeral procession with loud celebratory brass, and embrace the inevitable obfuscation of all that oldness, and let way be made for all that I'll end up becoming in the tomorrows.
I remember being in love with so many faces, being tripped up over people who had no idea, and more that did. The iconic points of my years defined by what type of person I was convinced I was in love with at the time.
The ones that had no interest.
The ones that got away.
The ones that I never got close to.
It's looking back over the drawing board, understanding all the missteps and mistakes, all the markouts and all the marked ups.
The kisses goodnight and goodbye, and the realization that the more things change the more they absolutely do not stay the same when it comes to the way people connect and co-relate to one another.
Do you understand? I do.
I've been so silent for such a long time, I'm not sure how to write things down honestly.
I have asked Falon to marry me.
While we're broke and in no position to put definitive timelines to everything, we are starting to take steps towards the grand unified peoples theory.
I want to live a life and have a future, be a parent and contribute a new set of troubled thinkers into the world.
I am trying to be a real person without compromising my dreamy little thoughts of fame and fortune.
We've all paired off and mated, where there used to be a world of children around me, I now recognize so many reluctant adults.
Now the question: Where the hell am I going to live out this hopeful life? Florida isn't working for me anymore.

Editors Note: All of this may change if Amy Poehler decides she wants me instead of that Will Arnett guy. Barring that, I will hopefully not offend any so greatly that they won't come see me override someones last name in a year or two.

... live-what?
http://www.myspace.com/achinggulliver

Thank you for calling *** Roadside Assistance, how may I help you?
For eight hours a day, five days a week, that is how I answer a telephone every five minutes or so. Does that even make sense?
I troubleshoot car problems for people, dispatch tow trucks and asundry people to assist with tire changes, battery boosts, fuel delivery or just plain tows to dealerships. It's bizarre to me, all of that.

Lately I've been dreaming about the past, different friends and non-friends interacting the most mundane and typical fashions of years gone by and I wonder if this is what it will be like if I'm lucky enough to grow old and frail, dreams of the dead and reclusive, conjured back to present tense by the sneaky machinations of an unconscious mind?

Our lease is up the first week of December, and we need to locate a new apartment/house to rent within our budget restraints. Does anyone know of reasonably priced rental housing in East Orlando, Winter Park, Altamonte Springs, Apopka area? Please let me know.

She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine a.m.
And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then
I miss the earth so much I miss my wife
It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight

And I think it's gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone

Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
And all this science I don't understand
It's just my job five days a week
A rocket man, a rocket man

And I think it's gonna be a long long time...

I dreamt I had to go to Mars.

I'm always kidding on about going to Mars for the day
But faced with the reality of it, in a dream, i was terrified.

And it wasn't going to be like a moon trip
There was three of us going, but we couldn't all go on the same ship
We had to go one at a time with a day between us.

I had to go first, and it was the thought of passing through all that black
space
All the darkness with nothing in it, and then being the first one to land there,
all alone... I knew it was supposed to be all dark around, with just a red
surface
But what if I got there and it was light, all civilised and populated and stuff?

So I made a plan.
The other astronauts were going to be my dad and my sister
And my dad would come first after me
So i decided when i landed i would just stay in my seat until he got there
And then we could get out together and have a look around
And see what sort of things were there.

And when I woke up and I was lying in the darkness, I thought I had landed.
And I just lay still for a while, waiting for my dad to get there too.

Ground control to Major Tom
Ground control to Major Tom
Take your protein pills and put your helmet on

Ground control to Major Tom
Commencing countdown, engines on
Check ignition and may God's love be with you

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five,
Four, three, two, one, liftoff

This is ground control to Major Tom
You've really made the grade
And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare

This is Major Tom to ground control
Im stepping through the door
And I'm floating in a most peculiar way
And the stars look very different today

For here
Am I sitting in a tin can
Far above the world
Planet earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do

Though I'm past one hundred thousand miles
I'm feeling very still
And I think my spaceship knows which way to go
Tell me wife I love her very much, she knows

Ground control to Major Tom
Your circuit's dead, there's something wrong
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you hear me, Major Tom?
Can you....

Here am I floating round my tin can
Far above the moon
Planet earth is blue
And there's nothing I can do.

Feel it
Break your bones
Mr. Jones

Taste me
As I bleed
Taste my need

And spaceboy I've missed you
Spinning round my head
And any way you choose me
You'll break instead

Watch me
Death defy
Defile my life

I don't need
I don't care
Please

I want to go home
I want to go home
I want to go home
I want to go home
'cause when a lover aches
That's when a lover breaks
I want to go home
I want to go home

And spaceboy they'll kill me
Before I'm dead and gone
And any way you choose me
It won't be wrong
And any way you choose me
We won't be long

We won't be long
We won't be long
We won't be long
We won't be long
We won't be long

*ahem*
"10. “The Hills Have Eyes” (2006)
While the original Wes Craven film is a classic, the 2006 remake pushed the limits on disturbing violence. It’s sequel the following year was arguably gorier and had more offensive scenes in it, but this modern smorgasbord of rape, murder and revenge had a bizarre level of class to it.

9. “Two Thousand Maniacs!” (1964)
Long before slasher films were chic, gore maven Herschell Gordon Lewis made this odd tribute to the old south. A group of snooty northerners stumble upon a small town only to be systematically eliminated by their hosts. Complete with red paint for blood, “Two Thousand Maniacs!” showed that Lewis was thinking of creative ways for people to snuff it long before Eli Roth was in diapers.

8. “Cannibal Holocaust” (1980)
Many horror films shock with fiction. “Cannibal Holocaust” has the notorious history for shocking with reality. Long before “Fear Factor,” the cast and crew of this cinematic violence spree gained infamy by slaughtering real animals. And it didn’t stop there. Some people thought the human murders in this film were real, prosecuting the filmmakers for making an honest-to-god snuff film.

7. “Saw” (2003)
Years from now, cinema historians will look back at the early 21st century and identify “Saw” as the movie that started it a modern horror movement. Gone were the days of zombies, vampires and werewolves. Filmmakers James Wan and Leigh Whannell kicked off the current trend of dirty-basement torture porno, for better or for worse.

6. “A Clockwork Orange” (1971)
Here’s a rare instance where an artsy film makes a list like this. Stanley Kubrick shocked filmgoers in the 70s with this bizarre and brutal adaptation of Anthony Burgess’s novel. It’s also notable for bringing the term “ultra-violence” into the mainstream vernacular.

5. “I Spit On Your Grave” (1978)
Also known as “Day of the Woman,” this often banned film from the 70s can be held up as a feminist classic. When a young woman is beaten, raped and left for dead by a bunch of hillbillies, she exacts a terrifying revenge. This ultra-low budget classic can be found remastered on DVD, despite the fact that it lacks a musical soundtrack.

4. “The Last House on the Left” (1972)
Before Freddy and before Jason, Wes Craven and Sean Cunningham teamed up to bring audiences a tale of rape, murder and revenge. This can be considered a companion piece to both “I Spit on Your Grave” and the original “The Hills Have Eyes,” since they all three follow similar storylines. There are countless versions of this film existing on VHS, DVD and as original theatrical prints. Due to heavy edits throughout the years, the film has evolved into various levels of violence.

3. “High Tension” (2003)
Who says the French are wimps? Alexandre Aja’s gender-bending horror flick “Switchblade Romance” was renamed “High Tension” for its American release. Not only does the film take the viewer through a series of grisly murders, it has one of the most shocking introductions of a villain ever recorded on screen.

2. “Hostel” (2006)
What assessment of shock cinema would not be complete without Eli Roth’s modern classic “Hostel.” Patterned after a 1980s slasher film, this film was reviled by critics but praised by gorehounds. Love it or hate it, no one can deny it’s impact on the horror genre.

1. “The Texas Chain Saw Massacre” (1974)
After more than 30 years, very few films can stand up against Tobe Hooper’s terrifying trip into the Texas countryside. Inspired by the killings of Ed Gein, this film was actually shot with the hopes of a PG rating. By avoiding on-screen blood and graphic horror, “Chain Saw” became one of the most disturbing films to watch because your imagination did all the work.

HONORABLE MENTIONS
“The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning” (2006) – Not nearly as good as the original, but so horrifically violent that viewers wondered what would command an NC-17 rating in the future.

“House of 1000 Corpses”/“The Devil’s Rejects” (2003/2005) – Horror fanatic and hard rocker Rob Zombie invigorated legions of fans by making two films that were meant to recapture the spirit of the genre."

taken from filmschoolrejects.com

...
i do not understand the whole “saw” devotion that has creeped into modern “horror” film fandom. it was a shittily written, acted, and directed ripoff of the vastly superior film se7en.
as far as “10 best ultra-violent films of all-time” this list sure does ignore the “ultra-violent” aspect of it’s title. sure, you’ve got some gore, but gore doesn’t equal ultra-violent. yes, sprinkled throughout are some good examples, 1, 4-6, and & 8 specifically, but there are a lot of glaring omissions here, and the lack of non-american films (the brilliant 'a clockwork orange' and the subpar 'high tension' make the percentage a wopping 80% north american domination) makes this list read like it was written by a 20 year old with a blockbuster card and no imagination. i would really like to know how i too could make money from my baseless opinions of shitty films. do you just put on a name-tag that proudly proclaims “I AM TEH MOVIE CRITICZ OMG”.

please, my dear friends, discuss amongst yourselves and those whom you care about that lack existence in my own reality, and come back and give me your take(s) on the "10 best ultra-violent films of all-time" and let us carry the result consensus back down the mountain on two clay tablets for all mankind to benefit from.

Sorry. I'm living in a little box in my head.
Evrything is sort of a glassy shoreline wave.
ebb and flow. no breaking line. just continuous.
depressed? no. not really.
greatful for that.
hungry, though.
another year down.

"I've given up on it ... It won't happen. ... The Army kept me on because I could type, so I was typing other people's discharges and stuff. And my feeling was, 'Please, I've done everything I was supposed to do. Can I go home now?' That's what I feel right now. I've written books. Lots of them. Please, I've done everything I'm supposed to do. Can I go home now?" - Kurt Vonnegut


"The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest."
- Kilgore Trout

that's what you think.

everyone should read/watch janchipchase.com

i am at a weird quandry - i'm going bald, my hair is longer than it's been in years, i'm apprehensive to cut it, because it will be evident that i am turning into something resembling a gamma-irradiated david cross when there's not a mop of christlike proportions in the way to mask the surreal thinning of the top of my head. but i worry because having it so long immediately draws attention to said head, and though it's not obvious to people who aren't as tall or taller than me unless i lean down, i myself know that it's only a matter of time before i'm for really real a cue ball. and how does one physically alter his face to suit being bald? again, i can only describe it as surreal. this is an almost uniquely male bridge i'm crossing over.
i'm certain that i won't wear a wig, nor will i partake in the comb over party. i just wish i knew if i could pull off stark shaved head bald, and will i be able to commit to that many razor refills in a year? these are the important questions of our time.
aside from that, i find myself at a loss for textual updates.
mainly because i feel that the act of keeping "online" journals increasingly absurd and narcissistic. i don't want to be remembered for the petty day-to-day dramaramas that i used to go into in this and other venues. on that note, i've been lucky enough to arrange with the ever-so wonderful jeff (of mumpsy fame) an artshow for brian p, richard j, and myself m, starting may 24th at austin coffee and film during the course of an interesting conversation about musicians touring at a profit, representing orlando when physically relocated to cooler states in this proud union, soundscapes and meat-punching noises that make driving in traffic a terrifying experience, bruce springsteen ripping off people's shirtsleeves and arms, and bob dylan sporting fake beards on whims for the cost of thousands of dollars.
that kid is rad.

so yeah, there's another thing for you to check out if you're not already familiar.
myspace.com/mumpsy

i'm apprehensively excited about the release of Zeitgeist on 7/7/07, i've got a pit of the stomach fear and loathing that it's going to be awful. prove me wrong, great pumpkin.

i've trimmed down about 100 people from my myspace "friends" list. it seems like the right thing to do. i've got enough psuedo-friends and acquaintences left on there. i don't want to waste my time and attention on anyone who isn't immediately important. unless i think they're stupid cute. that's always been the exception.

CARAH K! is that discovery of magnetic north cd in the library at the radio station yet? i know it's not your cup of tea, but i'm really rather fond of them, and i hear similar and technically comparable stuff on the station all the damn time. could you please play anachronesia sometime soon?

*sigh* the good old days.

in summation, there have been 3235 american casualties in the war in iraq so far.
keep on reaching for the stars, kids!

smeared mascara blend smudged eyeliner,
you were such a strong girl, you were such a soldier,
empty rooms and hearts,
bleeding from missing parts,
what i wouldn't give to be there for you,
what i wouldn't have done to piece your soul back together

tarnished halos bent dirtied robes,
you were such a sweet girl, you were such a fighter,
weeping for whispered devotions,
every day going through motions,
what i wouldn't give to have you here then,
what i wouldn't have done to dust you off again

shattered glass thrown broken heirlooms,
you were such a weak girl, you were such a child,
moving shadows and phantom voices,
hidden bottles for medicated choices,
what i wouldn't give...

neil's in town, waiting for his call. working tonight, working in the morning, working monday morning, and then freedom for 48 hours. woo.
of course, i have a pending visit to the shop for my "new" car, which needs motors for it's back windows, and i have familial obligations of interaction to try wedge in.
i notice that i never get to do anything for myself that makes me smile.
i need to get my girlfriend a new job with health benefits, because she appears to have no drive to do so for herself, and honestly i'm as sick about hearing how much her job sucks as she is sick of the job actually sucking. not to mention her bum ankle and moodswings.
fucking ridiculous.
anybody in orlando know any doctors that work for free?
i reeeeally don't want to go to work in 45 minutes. i really want to really want something that would justify blowing off work.

Everything is boring and normal. I can't convince myself to paint enough scantily clad ladies to make any money off of it, and I cant' seem to get the hang of landscapes, architecture, or asundry background type things.
What else will I do with my life?
For now I'm occupying myself with Legos and beer.

I hate Esurance. NEVER EVER GET COVERAGE THROUGH ESURANCE.

TCM is running "31 Days of Oscar" and i have to say, it's been my favorite channel for months.
Seriously. If anyone really *cares* about cinema, this is their favorite fucking channel.
Last night I watched Network, tonight I watched Muppets Take Manhattan.
Now I'm gonna go watch a Robert Altman movie and check Falon's head for fever.
We spent the afternoon in the ER at the hospital. She's got herself a brilliant stomach virus that scared the hell out of me. But we're home now, and everything is going to be okay.
Sometimes life is surreal and downright cruel just long enough so that when it lets up to merely mundane and uncomfortable, you find yourself relieved and giddy for the lack of immediate need for triage or coagulants.

Whatever.

got a new phone got a new phone it's better than my old phone and it is my new phone.

woooooooo.

text/picture/video message my ass off please and thank you.

falon and i are enjoying the wind down of our first end-of-month in our apartment together.
the bills are all ready to be paid, there are gaping holes in the back of my mouth where wisdom teeth used to be, and half a bottle of vicodin left on my bedside table.
life is good in it's way, and i'm sort of hesitantly taking my steps out into the world of being a grown up again for what seems like the first time.
i miss you kids.
everyone who wants to come visit, i'll make some time. drop me a line.

fuck raymond. seriously.

Got a new apartment.
Email me if you want the address.